Beautiful, Broken & Brains

Reflections by Swanette

I’ve heard people tell me that I was beautiful and smart, but for so long, I was too broken to truly see it.

I couldn’t see what God had created when I looked at myself through the lens of pain, anger, disappointment, and everything I had carried for years. I couldn’t see the woman God created fearfully and wonderfully made, uniquely me.

Over time, the pain and anger I carried began to diminish. But I also had to recognize something difficult: I had allowed people around me to diminish my existence, too.

And the hardest part?

I thought some of it was love.

I was accessible. I gave. Then I over-gave. My time. My help. My resources. My energy. My problem-solving. If someone I loved had a problem, I was usually going to find a way to help solve it.

I’m a thinker. I’m a problem-solver. I’m not afraid to fail. I can usually see a solution quickly, and when I couldn’t, I would spend the time, energy, and sometimes the money to find.

For a long time, I thought that was simply what love looked like.

It took me almost 50 years to realize that I didn’t fully understand what love truly was.

I had to learn that loving people doesn’t mean abandoning yourself.

Setting boundaries and learning to say “No” was crushing at first. It challenged everything I thought I knew about being a good person, being helpful, being loving, and being there for others.

But then came the aha moment.

Saying no wasn’t rejection. It was recognition.

It was recognizing that I existed, too.

It was acknowledging self-love.

It was learning self-awareness.

And perhaps most importantly, it was learning that boundaries don’t mean I love people less. They mean I finally understand that I am worthy of love, care, consideration, and protection, too.

I’m now living in what I call my “between era.”

I’m between who I used to be and who I am becoming.

Between over-giving and giving from a healthy place.

Between needing to be accessible to everyone and understanding that access to me is not automatically owed.

Between trying to fix everything and trusting God with what I cannot fix.

And somewhere in this between era, I’m finally beginning to see myself more clearly.

Beautiful. Broken. And Brains.

Yes, I was broken in places.

But broken doesn’t mean worthless.

And being a thinker, a problem-solver, a woman who can figure things out, doesn’t mean I have to spend the rest of my life solving everyone else’s problems.

Sometimes the lesson isn’t about becoming stronger for everybody else.

Sometimes the lesson is about becoming whole for yourself.

Separate the Message From the Messenger

One thing I’ve learned is to separate the message from the messenger.

Sometimes we miss a message because we are too focused on who delivered it.

Hear the message.

Consider the truth.

And then ask God what He wants you to do with it.

We live in a broken world, and life will be hard. There will be disappointments, difficult relationships, losses, changes, and seasons when the path ahead feels smaller and narrower than we expected.

Jesus already told us:

“Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.” Matthew 7:14 (KJV)

The narrow path isn’t always comfortable.

It may require boundaries.

It may require saying no.

It may require letting go.

It may require disappointing people who were comfortable with the version of you who had no boundaries.

It may even require choosing peace over being understood.

But I’m learning to trust God through it all.

Because even in a broken world, God is not broken.

And even when the road feels narrow, Jesus is still the way.

So, in this second time around, in this between era I’m learning to trust God, become more like Jesus, love others without losing myself, and walk the path He has placed before me.

The pain didn’t get the final word.

The anger didn’t get the final word.

The people who diminished me didn’t get the final word.

God does.

And maybe the woman I was always trying to become was already there underneath everything I had survived.

Beautiful.

Broken.

A thinker.

A problem-solver.

A woman learning boundaries.

A woman learning self-love.

A woman learning who she is in God.

A woman finally learning to see what God saw all along.

I might add that I am no longer just surviving in this world, I am surrendering to God’s will. 

Beautiful. Broken. And Brains.

5 day series below for…

Beautiful, Broken & Brains

DAY 1 of 5 I DIDN’T SEE HER

Somebody could tell me I was beautiful.Somebody could tell me I was smart.

And I still didn’t see it.

That’s what being broken can do.

You can be carrying so much pain, anger, disappointment, and hurt that you can’t recognize what God put inside of you.

I was looking at myself through what I had been through instead of through what God created.

Fearfully. Wonderfully. Uniquely.

And now I’m realizing something…

I wasn’t waiting to become worthy.

I was worthy the whole time.

I just had to heal enough to see her.

DAY 2 of 5 I CALLED IT LOVE

Whew… this one took me almost 50 years to understand.

I thought being available all the time was love.

Helping everybody was love.

Giving my time, money, resources, energy, and whatever else I had was love.

If you had a problem, I was probably already trying to figure out how to fix it.

I’m a thinker. I’m a problem solver. I’ll figure it out somehow.

But I had to learn the hard way:

Being needed is not the same thing as being loved.

And over-giving doesn’t automatically make you a good person.

Sometimes you’re giving so much to everybody else that you don’t even realize you’re disappearing in the process.

That one hurt.

But it also set me free.

DAY 3 of 5 NO WAS HARD

Let me tell you something…

Learning to say NO will show you a whole lot about yourself and about the people around you.

Because when you’ve spent years being the dependable one, the helper, the fixer, the one everybody can call…

Suddenly having boundaries can feel WRONG.

I felt guilty.

I felt selfish.

I wondered if people would think I didn’t care anymore.

But then I had my aha moment:

NO wasn’t me being mean.

NO was me acknowledging that I matter, too.

My time matters.

My peace matters.

My resources matter.

My energy matters.

And yes…

I can love you and still tell you NO.

That was a hard lesson.

But baby, it was a necessary one.

DAY 4 of 5 I’M IN MY BETWEEN ERA

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately…

I’m not who I used to be.

But I’m still becoming who I’m going to be.

I’m somewhere in the middle.

My between era.

I’m learning not to fix everything.

Not everybody’s problem is my assignment.

I’m learning that being accessible to everyone isn’t the same thing as being loving.

I’m learning to give without emptying myself.

I’m learning to have boundaries without explaining every single one.

And most importantly…

I’m learning to trust God with the things I used to feel responsible for fixing.

This is my second time around.

And this time, I’m not trying to lose myself just to make everybody else comfortable.

I’m becoming more aware of ME.

And honestly?

I like her. 🖤🤍

https://takingyourtimeoutstore.com/

DAY 5 HEAR THE MESSAGE

Here’s something I’m learning:

Separate the message from the messenger.

Sometimes we’re so busy looking at WHO said something that we miss WHAT was said.

Listen.

Think about it.

Pray about it.

And let God show you what applies to you.

Because this walk with God?

It isn’t always going to be easy.

Jesus said the way is narrow.

And sometimes that narrow road is going to look like:

Setting a boundary.

Saying NO.

Walking away.

Letting go.

Choosing peace.

Choosing God even when people don’t understand your choice.

We live in a broken world.

So yes, life is going to hurt sometimes.

But I’m learning that broken doesn’t mean abandoned.

And the narrow road doesn’t mean God isn’t with you.

I’m trusting God.

I’m trying to be more like Jesus.

And I’m learning that peace doesn’t always come from everything around me being peaceful.

Sometimes peace comes from knowing WHO is walking with me.

And after everything I’ve been through…

I’m finally learning to see what God saw all along.

Beautiful.

Broken.

Brains.

And still becoming.

(Come back tomorrow for the entire blog)